What to Wear to a Funeral: A Woman's Guide

For most funerals, wear a dark, simple outfit: a black, navy or gray dress or separates, knee length or longer, with covered shoulders and low shoes. The aim is to fit in quietly and show respect. If the family or their faith tradition asks for something different, follow their request.

This guide to what to wear to a funeral covers the usual defaults, dress and separates options, shoes and layers for a graveside, winter clothing, and what to do when you have only a day or two to get ready.

The short version: dark, modest, quiet

A funeral outfit for women in the US usually comes down to three defaults and one practical point:

• Dark: black, navy, charcoal, deep brown or dark green.
• Modest: shoulders covered or a layer on top, a neckline that stays put, a hem at the knee or longer.
• Quiet: matte fabrics, no sequins or shine, small jewelry.
• Practical: low shoes you can stand in, and a layer for a cold church or graveside.

Anything that meets those defaults is appropriate, whether it's a dress, a skirt suit or trousers. You don't need anything new.

Funeral dress options

A funeral dress doesn't have to be a special purchase. A plain dark dress you'd wear to an office or a formal dinner is usually right. What matters is the cut and the fabric more than the label.

A black dress for a funeral

A black dress for a funeral should be simple. A sheath dress with sleeves, a wrap dress that closes securely or a plain A-line midi all work. If the dress you own is sleeveless, wear a cardigan, a blazer or a dark wrap or shawl over it for the service.

Avoid anything sheer, very fitted, shiny or short. Satin, sequins and lace with skin showing through draw attention, and a deep V or a high slit can feel out of place even if the color is right. A matte crepe, a wool blend or a heavier jersey reads as calm.

If you're buying one, a black sheath dress with sleeves is the most useful version: it works for funerals, interviews and formal daytime events.

Navy, charcoal and other dark colors

Black isn't required at most American funerals. Navy, charcoal gray, deep plum, dark brown and forest green all fit the mood. A navy midi with sleeves is a good alternative if you don't own a black dress, or if black doesn't suit you.

Keep prints minimal. A small, muted pattern is fine; a bright floral isn't the right fit unless the family asks for color.

Separates that work just as well

Dark tailored trousers or a knee-length skirt with a plain blouse or a fine-knit sweater is just as appropriate as a dress. A dark blazer pulls separates together. A pantsuit is fine, and often more comfortable if you'll be standing at a graveside or helping the family.

If you're giving a eulogy, serving as a pallbearer or greeting guests with the family, separates or a dress with sleeves and flat shoes make it easier to move, stand and carry things. Choose a jacket with pockets for your notes and tissues.

Shoes, tights and bags for the service and graveside

Many funerals include a walk across grass or gravel to a graveside, so choose shoes you can stand and walk in. Low block heels, low pumps, loafers or plain flats all work. Stilettos sink into the ground, and very high heels are hard to stand in for long.

Tights are a personal choice. Sheer or opaque black tights look finished with a dark dress, especially in cooler months; see our guide to sheer black tights for deniers and fits. Bare legs are fine in summer.

Carry a small, plain bag with room for tissues, your phone (on silent), keys and perhaps a program to keep. Skip anything bright or logo-heavy.

Jewelry should be small: stud earrings, a simple necklace, a watch. Many people avoid anything that jingles during a quiet service.

Winter funeral outfits

A winter funeral outfit needs to stay respectful outdoors at a graveside, which can mean standing in the cold for some time.

• A dark wool or wool-blend coat long enough to cover your hem.
• Opaque black tights under a dress or skirt, or dark trousers.
• A dark scarf and plain gloves.
• Boots in black or dark brown with a low heel, which handle snow, mud and grass better than pumps.
• A fine-knit sweater or cardigan under the coat, so you stay warm without bulky layers. Our guide on how to wear a sweater over a dress covers how to make that look neat.

Many people remove hats indoors at a service, though customs vary by community and faith. A knit hat for the graveside is fine.

When the family asks for something different

Some families ask guests to wear a particular color, a favorite team's jersey or bright clothes instead of black. If the obituary, the invitation or a message from the family includes a request like that, follow it. It's their way of honoring the person.

Faith and cultural traditions also change the rules. In some traditions, white rather than black is the color of mourning, and many Hindu families, for example, prefer that mourners wear white. If you're attending a service from a tradition you don't know, ask someone close to the family, or call the funeral home and ask what guests usually wear.

Some places of worship have their own expectations, such as a head covering or a skirt rather than trousers for women. The funeral home or a family member can tell you, and it's a kind question to ask.

A celebration of life is often less formal than a funeral, and the family usually sets the tone. Our guide on what to wear to a celebration of life covers that separately.

Getting dressed in a hurry

Funerals often come with only a few days' notice, and the last thing you need is a shopping trip. Start with your closet:

1. Pull every dark dress, skirt, pair of trousers and blazer you own and lay them out.
2. Pick the plainest combination that covers your shoulders and reaches your knee or below.
3. Add a cardigan or blazer if the top is sleeveless.
4. Choose shoes you can stand in for an hour, and check them for scuffs.
5. Check the weather for the graveside and add a coat, tights or an umbrella.
6. Buy something only if nothing in your closet meets the defaults. A plain dark dress or a pair of dark trousers is the most useful single purchase, and it will serve later for interviews and formal daytime events.